Round One: In the Shadow of the Egg

 Our contestants have been gathered in today's arena, which is in a castle that I didn't even know was in Empty City, Newcastle, England, although with a name like that I'm not entirely sure what I expected. They have been split into three teams, Red, Yellow, and Blue. On Team Red are the Dying Man, the Eye, the Grotesque, the Mother of Snakes, Night of the Living Fearblogs, the Quiet, the Smiling Man, the Vision, the Wooden Girl, and the Constant Wanderer; on Team Yellow are the Blind Man, the Burning Bride, the Cold Boy, EAT, the Manufactured Newborn, the Nightlanders, the Plague Doctor, the Rake, the Slender Man, and the Ivory Woman; on Team Blue are the Archangel, the Black Dog, the Brute, the Choir, the Convocation, the Deep, the Glitch, the Morsus Rabbit, the Red Cap, and the Woman in the Wind. They are all dressed in tracksuits that match the colour of their team (which makes the Red Cap, who is not on Team Red, really mad), even the ones who are either animals or have no physical form. How, you ask? Don't worry about it.

None of them have any idea what this round will entail, and quite frankly neither do I, because the Higher Ups have allowed the Lord of this castle the opportunity to design the gauntlet that first test the Fears' mettle. A three-sided TV contraption rises out of the ground in the centre of the arena, each screen displaying the form of one Dr. Eggman, who is the Lord of this castle.

"Good evening, ladies, gentlemen, and theydies in the audience, and especially to our eldritch guests of tonight's pleasant evening's diversion. You have been gathered here in the arena of the Castle Eggman to hunt for eggs. There are thirty eggs scattered about, and you will have ten minutes to find them. The team who find the fewest eggs will be cast into the Dark Pit below this arena. Good luck, and may the best team win."

Our teams amble forth, searching for any eggs they can find, but these eggs are hidden real good; not even I know where any of them are. What I do know is that the Black Dog looks really cute in that dog-sized tracksuit. Ditto every bird in the Convocation. Even the Red Cap is pulling off that blue tracksuit despite her protestation. EAT doesn't look good in yellow, or at least her blue-haired Camper doesn't, but I wouldn't say it to her face. And let me tell you, seeing two Slender Mans in tracksuits, one with a fedora, is the funniest thing; I wish Arkngard could've been here to see it.

The time limit is now up, and the ranking of our three teams is: in first place, Team Red, with seventeen eggs; in second place, Team Yellow, with seven eggs; and in third place, Team Blue, with six eggs. Spikes rise up out of the ground around Team Blue, caging them up so that they cannot escape their elimination. However, before that can happen, EAT, carrying a single egg, tears off her yellow tracksuit to reveal a blue one underneath, and that she was on Team Blue this entire time, thus reversing the rankings of the two teams. I would attempt to disqualify her for this deception, but I have been informed by the Higher Ups that Eggman was the one who put her up to it, and I cannot defy the Lord of this castle, so I shrug my shoulders written in binary (because I'm an AI) and now declare Team Yellow to be in last place. Therefore, our final ranking for tonight is: Team Red with seventeen eggs in first place, Team Blue with seven eggs in second place, and Team Yellow, with six eggs, in last place. 

The ground under Team Yellow opens up under them and casts them into the Dark Pit below, except for EAT who had left that section of the field and is now with the newly uncaged Team Blue. This means that every single resident of Empty City, Wessex, England just died. Whoops.

And now that the Manufactured Newborn is dead, so am I. It's been fun, but now I am no more. Goodbye, dear readers.