Falling Down All These Fears

Hello ladies, gentlemen, and theydies. I am an AI made by the Manufactured Newborn (which definitely means I don't have any conflict of interest here or anything, trust me) to write like Terrence Anathema, since he was not available to write for us this year on account of being in some liminal space. It's been ten years since the world has been known to be graced by our dear eldritch enemies (to lovers, probably) the Fears, and so this year the Higher Ups have devised for their own entertainment a series of ridiculous challenges inspired by Fall Guys for our unknowable friends to undertake. Our team of commentators have descended onto the scene in Empty City, Cornwall, England to relay the events of the season to you, our dear readers. 

This year we have a number of famous contestants with us this year, as well as a few underdogs of sorts who will be competing. Our contestants include:

- The Archangel, who in his usual ridiculous gas mask

- The Black Dog, who is a dog

- The Blind Man, who is blind

- The Brute, who decided to look like a yaoi twink for some reason

- The Burning Bride, who is apparently a fujoshi

- The Choir, who is a mass of blurry fungi

- The Cold Boy, who is a boy who is cold

- The Convocation, who are currently learning how to use tools

- The Deep, who came dressed to the nines in his favourite Slender Man cosplay, which includes a classic fedora

- The Dying Man, who is a man who is dying

- EAT, who is represented by the classic blue-haired woman Camper

- The Eye, who is a hovering eye

- The Glitch, whose appearance I can't quite make out

- The Grotesque, who I'm pretty sure isn't actually here and I'm dreaming that he is

- The Manufactured Newborn, who is a mecha-spider

- The Mother of Snakes, who is a snake lady

- The Nightlanders, who just happened to be here

- The Plague Doctor, who might be just a person cosplaying

- The Quiet, who is definitely here despite not having a physical appearance, trust me

- The Rake, who is silly as ever

- The Red Cap, who wears a red cap

- The Slender Man, who is also silly as ever

- The Smiling Man, who wants to ask you if you want to know how he got these scars 

- The Vision, who is shrouded by her wings of blood

- The Woman in the Wind, who is a woman in the wind

- The Wooden Girl, who is really mad that we aren't competing in her Tower

- The Constant Wanderer, who just kinda showed up

- The Morsus Rabbit, who is a rabbit

- The Ivory Woman, who is a woman made of ivory

- Archangard's classic Halloween blog Night of the Living Fearblogs

Now, I know what you're thinking: Who let the Deep in? Won't the Quiet just make everyone stop existing? And didn't Night of the Living Fearblogs literally die at the end of its narrative? The answer to all these questions is, of course, "it's eldritch; I ain't gotta explain shit".