Round 3; Ball Pit

 Acelegin; Hello, everybody! I'm Acelegin, and welcome to round 3 of the 2021 Fearniversary tournament! I'm joined today by my co-host, Red Daniel. Red, you got anything to say?

Red Daniel; Um, yeah, actually. How are we here?

Acelegin; What do you mean?

Red Daniel; Didn't we both die last year?

Acelegin; I have no idea what you're talking about.

Red Daniel; You don't remember? You broke my neck and then got hit by a flying car in the middle of hurricane.

Acelegin; I don't recall.

Red Daniel; Are you kidding me? We had, like, a really intense fight scene.

Acelegin; Okay, Red, I have a question for you now.

Red Daniel; What?

Acelegin; How could you remember me getting hit by a car if you died first?

Red Daniel; I... um... I'm not... sure...

Acelegin; Exactly. Now shut up. We have an event to commentate on.

Acelegin begins reading from a stack of papers in front of him.

Acelegin; This event will take place in a segment of the Empty City resembling a suburban neighborhood.

Red Daniel; Oh, that sounds nice.

Acelegin; That is currently experiencing an acid rain storm.

The Fears are warped to a suburban neighborhood, with rain falling all around them. On one end of the neighborhood is a circle surrounded by blue flags, and on the other side is a similar circle surrounded by red flags.

Red Daniel; Why does this keep happening! Every arena, with you! Seriously!

Acelegin; Umbrellas are advised.

Several umbrellas appear at the Fear's feet.

Acelegin; This next spectacle will be a team event! The remaining contestants will be split into two teams, one red, and one bl- actually, no. Fuck that.

Red Daniel; Huh?

Acelegin; This is way too cliché. Red vs. Blue? Seriously? No. I demand a color change!

Red Daniel; Can you do that?

Acelegin; We're about to find out!

Acelegin claps his hands, and the blue flags all turn cyan, while the red ones turn magenta.

Acelegin; There. Now we have a cyan team and a magenta team.

Red Daniel; I miss the Red team already...

Acelegin; The teams will be decided by means of randomly drawing names out of a hat!

Red Daniel; But first, let' get some bets going! I bet $20 on the Red Cap!

Acelegin; Red, we're announcers. We can't bet on this.

Red Daniel; Well that's a bummer.

Acelegin; Anyway, I'll be putting 3000 yen on the Vision.

Red Daniel; You fucking hypocrite!

Acelegin; It doesn't count as betting if you use foreign currency.

Red Daniel; That train of logic makes no cents!

Acelegin; It also involves no cents.

Red Daniel glares at Acelegin in annoyed silence for a moment.

Red Daniel; Just... figure out the fucking teams, you asshole...

Acelegin; Okay. So, on the Cyan team, we have the Archangel! The Choir! The Deep! The Vision! The Morsus Rabbit! EAT! And, last but not least, the Dying man!

Red Daniel; And on the Magenta team, we have The Brute! The Black Dog! The Glitch! My buddy the Red Cap! The always attractive Mother of Snakes! That creepy Smiling Man dude! And the Empty City itself! I um... wonder how that's gonna play out...

Acelegin; This event is all about BALLS!

Red Daniel; My favorite kind of event!

Acelegin; Scattered throughout this stage are a number of white balls of various sizes. The two circles surrounded by flags are the team's goal posts. Getting a ball into a teams goal post will cause that ball to change to that teams color.

Red Daniel; Once the timer runs out, whichever team has the most balls of their color wins.

Acelegin; Losers will be banished to the shadow realm. Or something like that. I sorta skimmed through that part.

Red Daniel; Teams are welcome to steal balls from each other's goal posts, so make sure to take good care of your balls.

Acelegin; Now, without further adieu, let the game begin!

The Fears immediately take off.

Red Daniel; And right off the bat, there's a lot going on. This might be tough to keep track of.

Acelegin; Yep.

Acelegin produces a 6 pack from underneath the table and cracks one open.

Red Daniel; Dude! You have beer?

Acelegin; Yes.

Red Daniel; Can I have one?

Acelegin; No.

Red Daniel; You dick...

Acelegin; Anyway, it seems the Archangel has taken up guarding the Cyan teams goal post. The Black Dog is doing the same on the other side.

Red Daniel; Meanwhile,the Morsus Rabbit is... just kind of scurrying around. It doesn't seem to be accomplishing much. I'm just gonna ignore them.

Acelegin; The Brute has gotten his hand on two rather sizable balls.

Red Daniel; That is indeed quite a pair the Brute has on him.

Acelegin; Yes, I believe we can all agree that the Brute has some very big balls.

Red Daniel; But wait! The Vision just appeared and kicked them right out of the Brute's hands!

Acelegin; That's right! The Vision just kicked the Brute's balls!

Red Daniel; And it seems that EAT, being apparently immune to the acid rain, is using her umbrella to try and stab the Mother of Snakes. The two of them are now ignoring the balls entirely and are having a cat fight.

Acelegin; The Red Cap is fighting with the Choir and Dying Man over a small cluster of balls in the middle of the arena. The Dying Man has let his mommy issues get the better of him, and has put the Red Cap into a headlock.

Red Daniel; This has given the Choir the chance to snag a couple balls and race back to the Cyan goal post. And would you look at the Deep!

Acelegin; Yeas, it looks like the Deep is using its tentacles to carry what must be at least a dozen balls!

Red Daniel; He's got big balls! Small balls! Some as big as his head!

Acelegin; The Choir and Deep have gotten their balls into their goal post. Meanwhile, the Black Dog has broken away from its guard duty to assist the Red Cap.

Red Daniel; Good boy! The Black Dog has knocked the Dying Man to the ground, allowing the Red Cap to grab the rest of the balls they were fighting over and rush back to the Magenta goal,with the Black Dog rolling a bigger ball behind her!

Acelegin; But wait! What's this in the Cyan goal! It seems a door has appeared in the middle of it. It's opening up, and out steps... the Glitch!

Red Daniel; Is this the Empty City's doing?

Acelegin; Indeed! The City has opened up a door directly into the Cyan goal post, allowing the Glitch to infiltrate and steal the enemy's balls!

Red Daniel; The Archangel has noticed this going on, and is charging at the door with a battle ax!

Acelegin; Archie has slammed the door shut and is chopping it to bit, but the damage is already done! The Magenta team has successfully stolen most of the Cyan teams balls!

Red Daniel; And so close to the end, too! There's only 10 seconds left on the clock!

Acelegin; The Morsus Rabbit has stopped its random scurrying and is making a mad dash for the Cyan goal.

Red Daniel; I doubt that'll help their situation much.

Acelegin; And 3... 2... 1.. TIME!! That's it! Game over! Time to tally up the balls!

Red Daniel; Okay. The count is being conducted. We'll be back in just a minute.

One minute later

Acelegin; Well, the count,and my first 3 beer, are finished. So, let's have a look.

Red Daniel; The Magenta team weigh in with 24 balls! Too bad for Cyan team.

Acelegin; I wouldn't be too sure. It seems Cyan team managed to finish with 25 balls.

Red Daniel; What? But how's that possible!?

Acelegin; It seems the Morsus Rabbit spent the round gathering up minuscule balls that everyone else overlooked, and got them into the goal post just in time.

Red Daniel; Damn! If only someone had been paying attention to them!

Acelegin; Indeed. But Cyan team hasn't won just yet. I hope you're fans of Mario Party, because it's time for some bonus balls!

The Fears let out a collective groan.

Red Daniel; How many balls we talking here?

Acelegin; Three! Three bonus balls to award.

Acelegin begins reading from a piece of paper handed to him by someone off screen.

Acelegin; The first ball is the Heavy Ball, awarded to the player who had the biggest ball in the event. This ball goes to the Brute!

A medium sized ball appears from the sky, landing in the Magenta team's goal post.

Acelegin; The second ball is the Number Ball, awarded to the player who earned the most balls for their team. This ball goes to the Morsus Rabbit!

A smaller ball appears in the Cyan goal post.

Red Daniel; So, that puts Cyan at 26 and Magenta at 25. This could end in a draw, depending on who gets the last bonus ball.

Acelegin; Well, let's find out.

Acelegin continues reading.

Acelegin; The final ball is the Drunk ball, awarded to whoever consumed the most alcohol during this event. This ball goes to... me?

An enormous ball appears in the sky, directly above Acelegin's head.

Acelegin; Ah crap! Not again!

The ball falls on top of Acelegin, crushing him.

Red Daniel; Huh. Wasn't expecting that. So, I guess Cyan team goes on to the final, and the Magenta team gets erased from existence or something. But, that includes the Empty City, right? How's that gonna affect the rest of the tournament?

Red Daniel thinks for a moment, then shrugs.

Red Daniel; Eh. Whatever. Not my problem.

Red Daniel notices Acelegin's unfinished 6 pack.

Red Daniel; Oh right! Since Ace is dead, he can't stop me from finishing his beer! Hell yeah!

Daniel Ferris suddenly appears before Red Daniel.

Daniel Ferris; Hey Red.

Red Daniel; Oh, hey Danny Boy! What brings you here?

Daniel Ferris draws his wakizashi, which immediately catches fire.

Red Daniel; Ah crap! Not again!

Daniel Ferris thrusts his wakizashi through Red Daniel's sternum, killing him. Daniel Ferris then produces a cell phone, and dials a number.

Daniel Ferris; Okay, their dead. Where's my fucking paycheck. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Got it.

Daniel Ferris hangs up, sighing.

Daniel Ferris; Fucking cheapskate...

Daniel Ferris notices Acelegin's unfinished 6 pack.

Daniel Ferris; Oh hey! Free beer! Score!