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We interrupt your  Fearniversary with blatant capitalism.

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*An idyllic scene of a country home. A child plays in the front yard with a dog while a father sits on a chair on the porch, smoking a pipe as he watches the child play. The door opens as the mother steps out holding a recently baked apple pie, the mother opens her mouth to speak before suddenly being eviscerated by black tentacles, the father suddenly becomes obscured by smoke and the back wall of the porch is splattered with blood as the sound of a gunshot goes off, the sound echoes getting louder as the child is grabbed and dragged into the sky by a swarm of birds and the dog drops dead, thousands of insects climbing out of it’s rapidly rotting carcass as the sky turns red. Gentle music starts playing as Peter Rivers appears in frame*

Don’t you hate it when that happens? 

*He begins to walk away as the camera follows him, more grisly scenes are shown behind him as he walks, a person being crushed in a rapidly shrinking room inside the Empty City, a room being torn apart and made into a mess by Nightlanders, The Rake whispering to a sleeping figure, a pond seemingly filled with corpses, a rotting person murdering other people with a knife and The Manufactured Newborn absorbing a kids bike as the kid cries*

Every day, scenes like this and others are repeated as the Fears terrorize our world, but there’s hope. *He walks into an office* Here at Rivers Fear Insurance we can protect you and your loved ones for just a simple yearly payment of *Audio distorts* you can say goodbye to all your fears and live a blissful life ignorant of the dangers constantly surrounding you. 

*The background darkens as thousands of eyes slowly appear behind Peter as he speaks before vanishing as the room brightens again as he speaks the final sentence*

Get Rivers Fear Insurance and be protected today.

*He says pointing finger guns at the camera and winking with a wide toothy smile*

*Extremely fast words play over the still image of him that read*

Warning: Rivers Fear Insurance does not actually guarantee any protection from the Fears.

 

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 Hello, everybody! I'm Dr. Welric, President and CEO of Stirem Industries!

Are you sick and tired of those plain old swords and boring guns!? Do you wanna REAL weapon!? Something with a lot more kickass to it!? Something that screams "I'M A BADASS AND SHOULD BE FEARED"!? Do you want your enemies to defecate themselves at the mere sight of you!?

Well, here at Stirem Industries, we produce the best of the best in terms of awesome weaponry!

Do you want a metal pipe with a sword hilt that makes deafening noise when clanging against anything!?

We've GOT metal pipes attached to sword hilts that make deafening noise when clanging against anything!!

Do you want fragmenting smoke grenades laced with cyanide and Brazilian wandering sider venom!?

We've GOT you covered!!

Do you want an armored car with TWELVE mounted Gatling gun turrets!?

We're... uh... working on it!!

So,f you're in need of a new weapon that literally flips off God himself, then stop being a pussy and come on down to Stirem Industries! Our weapons KICK!! AAAAAAAASS!!

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 Here at Sveldt Acres, we take great pride in the production of our beverages. As such, we are proud to announce the release of our newest product, Sveldt brand Pure Red Wine. Flavorful, aged to perfection, and imbued with the power of the Redness, this wine is the perfect drink for the end of a long day. So go ahead and our yourself a glass, and let all of your troubles melt away.
 

Side effects may include a shift in hair and eye color, possible hemokinesis, an increase in masochistic tendencies, a mild healing factor, and possible emergence and corruption of repressed vices. If you notice any of these symptoms, it is perfectly natural, and there is no need to worry.

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Are you a Fear servant in need of some downtime? Well, Sal's Bar and Grill is the place for you. Home to Sal's famous steak sandwiches and hard APple cider, this is just the place to go when you need to relieve some stress.

We've even got several games, including blackjack, poker, craps, and roulette, so there's always something to entertain yourself with while waiting on your meal. And if you're tired, there's rooms for rent upstairs, to sleep off those hangovers.

Our menu contains a great deal of options, including burgers, bread sticks, jalapeno poppers, pasta, grilled cheese, and our newest item, the extra-spicy salted pretzel twist, at the low-low price of $1.99. So come on by and give it a taste!

Just keep in mind, our manager is scary as fuck, and if you try anything funny, he WILL deal with you personally.

Sal's Bar and Grill.

When you're Fear, you're family.

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Are you interested in studying the occult? Here at Alexandria Memorias University we pride ourselves on offering the best courses on eldritch studies. We offer courses on Eldritch biology, Occult literature, Cryptozoology, Arcane economics, pre-human archeology and many more.

We also offer ghost tours around our campus. Where we take a group of people around campus and visit all the most famous haunted spots here. If you're lucky you might even spot Long Steve, our most iconic apparition.

For those who can't travel to our location, physically or otherwise, we also have online courses. On top of a vast selection of courses our online students also have access to our online library. The majority of our books are available to read there and the list is always expanding. If you are interested please sign up at www.idesofmarch.edu

Disclaimer 1: The AMU library holds books about eldritch topics. We however do not hold books that are of an eldritch nature themselves. Not in hardcover, paperback or e-book format.

Disclaimer 2: We can not guarantee our physical location is anywhere you can find.

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Lastly we have an announcement from one of our sponsors.

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The Fear Mythos Discord Server's a bitch-ass motherfucker, who ruined my fucking life. That's right, they took their eldritch fucking meta text out and ruined my fucking life and they said their meta was *this* big, and I said that's incomprehensible. So I'm making a call out post on my Blogspot dot com. Fear Mythos Discord Server, you've got a small meta; it's the size of this walnut except way smaller, and guess what? Here's what my meta looks like:

That's right, baby. All jokes. No Fears. No drama. Look at that, it looks like two bloggers and a Graab.

They fucked my life, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck their #tenthanniversary. That's right, this is what you get, my text vandalism. Except I'm not gonna vandalize their #tenthanniversary, I'm gonna go higher: I'm vandalizing their Wiki. How do you like that, Obama, I vandalized their Wiki, you idiot. 

You have twenty-three hours before the Wiki ruins hit the fucking Blogosphere, now get out of my fucking sight, before I vandalize you, too.

Love,

Terrence Anathema

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Your regular scheduled Fearniversary will resume whenever we get to it. UwU